Dating Woes

I constantly get told that internet dating is a great way to meet someone. I couldn’t tell you how many times I’ve been told by someone that they met their husband/fiancé/boyfriend through a dating app. It’s not that I don’t believe them or anything it’s just that I have a really hard time trusting strangers that I meet over the internet and therefore dating apps just don’t work for me. I have a hard enough time warming up to and trusting men I see in everyday life. Now I’m expected to trust that some person I have never even met is telling me the truth with every message we exchange. Internet dating just plain takes a significant amount of blind trust from me that I just don’t know how to give.

Perhaps I’ve read one too many articles about men catfishing women, about sociopaths who preyed on women through dating sites, about men who were married and lied and said they were single, about guys who just use these sites to get a quick hook up, and so on. I try to practice positive thinking when it comes to life, but far too often I find myself being the negative thinker instead with thoughts like “I’m positive this dude isn’t going to be worth my time”.

I wish I knew how to trust the process, but somewhere along the way I just gave up on believing that good people are out there on the dating sites. I end up going into the conversations expecting them to disappoint me, and they usually end up doing so. Manifesting the disappointment some would say. One man actually managed to get a meeting from me in real life because he showed a real personality and an effort to actually get to know me and have real conversations. That went a long way to keeping my interest and gaining my trust enough to meet in real life.

I haven’t made any sort of “love connection” yet, and I suppose it COULD happen for me one day, maybe even with the guy I met in person, but honestly I just don’t know if I should even try. It almost feels like a losing battle with how much I struggle to even like myself while hoping some stranger will like me as is. How can I expect to present my true self to a stranger when I feel like I hide that side of myself from even those I know in real life because of my insecurities? Dating is hard enough as it is trying to find compatible personalities without having to throw in the complication of being physically attracted to each other, too.

Shrek fell in love with who Fiona was on the inside. She was this beautiful princess when they met, and yet he wasn’t attracted to her. It was only after they talked and spent time together that he started to fall for her. It was just a bonus for him that she ended up being an “ugly” ogre like himself. That’s kind of how I feel when I’m on these dating sites. I try to find my most flattering pictures to post, write what I think paints my personality in the best light, and then attempt to hide all my crippling insecurities when we message each other. It all just feels like one big lie. Blind trust, major body issues, and raging insecurities. Oh my!

Dating is hard enough as it is even without all my trust issues. I just wish I had a magic wand to wave and “poof” know who is worth my time and who isn’t. Man, wouldn’t that little stick make me a millionaire.