It’s Thanksgiving Day and my son and myself are still stuck out here in Wisconsin two thousand miles away from the rest of the family. We generally never do much for any of the major holidays because one or both of us are were always working it to try and make some extra money, but this year we both have jobs that allow us to actually be home on a holiday. He has a second job he works on the weekends – on top of his FT job AND running his company – with a security company so when he hadn’t asked what we would be doing today I just assumed he had picked up a shift there today to earn the holiday pay. So I had not bought anything special to cook. Which means that of course he pops his head into my room around 3:30p and asks me what’s open for us to go get something to eat. To which I promptly reply “This is Wisconsin. Nothing is open today but the gas stations.”
Turns out I was mostly right. I managed to catch Starbucks before they closed and got us two iced chai’s (just in case I did have to go to the gas station to find us food at least we would have something decent to drink), and then sped over to a supermarket I saw was open ten minutes before they closed to gather food for a Thanksgiving dinner for us. The people working didn’t look too enthused to be there. Can’t really blame them. Customer service jobs during the holidays sucks. I managed to get eggnog, soda, three rib eyes, some mushrooms and onions to top them, green beans, small red potatoes, and some sugar cookies to bake for after. Even managed to remember to grab cat food and toilet paper that we needed too. It felt like the universe had aligned to allow me to get in and out in just over ten minutes. My son took three years of culinary classes in high school where he learned to cook a whole lot of things. Usually from scratch, too. So he was able to use what I got, along with the spices we already have, to cook us an amazing rib eye dinner. I’ll take that any day over a turkey.
While he started dinner I chose The Muppets Christmas Carol on Disney+ to play in the background, and I unpacked the sad little Charlie Brown tree my friend had given us. Our artificial tree had finally died two Christmases ago and I haven’t been able to afford to replace it. We had had that tree for about a decade and I had bought it at Walmart on a Black Friday deal. So for it to have lasted through ten Christmases I think was amazing in itself. I was a bit sad when I had to finally throw it out, but the poor thing was starting to shed more than me and the cats combined and was getting some rather embarrassing bald spots. I tend to get emotionally attached to inanimate items that I own for long periods so I always get a little upset when I have too throw them out. This new little tree wasn’t much to look at when it came to size, but it meant we would at least have something to decorate this year so I appreciated my friend giving it to us to use. We ate our dinner as the movie finished then rested a bit before starting the next one; Disenchanted. For the record, I loved it. I loved the first one and the second one did not disappoint in the initial viewing. I even started to get a bit emotional in some parts but kept it together. That could be because holidays in generally make me emotional, but I’m going with the movie alone was making me cry. I’ll probably watch it again tomorrow.
Today wasn’t anything too spectacular compared to any “normal” day, but these days, thanks to our different work schedules, I feel like I barely see my son. So getting to spend this time with him tonight put me into the best mood. I even managed to get up and clean the kitchen and living room a bit. I always tend to clean and organize when I’m in a good mood because seeing clear surfaces and grounds makes me feel even better. Which in turn makes my good mood usually last that much longer. Which in turn usually makes me organize and clean more. It’s one of the few positive loops I have in my life, but it usually only lasts for just that day in which it occurs. I know this so I try to get as much done as possible when it happens.
My depression tends to keep my brain in a funk so I enjoy these little breaks I have in my negative mental state that allow good days like these to happen. My son is by far the best part of my life. Just being near him makes me feel better. Being so far from the rest of the family sucks even more during the holidays and special occasions, but at least we have each other. I don’t take it for granted that at twenty three years old he still likes hanging out with his mother and watching a movie. Though today is the one day a year where we are supposed to give thanks for what we have in life, I do that everyday when it comes to my son. I was truly blessed when I was given him in this life to have as my own, and will be forever thankful to have him in my life.
Thoughts From An Exhausted Woman 