If you’re anything like me then you’ll find yourself apologizing for all kinds of things throughout your days. You say “sorry” for things you say, don’t say, do, don’t do, things you witness, hear, for your reactions to any and/or all of the above, and for so much more. Every single day of your life. You even find yourself apologizing for other people around you when the situation makes you feel uncomfortable.
Why do I do all this apologizing when most of it isn’t even necessary? To think that I upset someone in any way is such a horrible feeling for me that I try to avoid feeling that at all times. So I end up saying “sorry” a lot for that reason. Even though I assume that reaction is connected to my low self esteem, I also think it’s connected to my childhood and the trauma I got from my relationship with my father. He wasn’t exactly the nicest man and constantly punished me for things I had not even done or said. So I was constantly forced to apologize for stuff I never did. I was made to feel that I was ALWAYS in the wrong. Thats’a a horrible feeling that I believe is a main contributing factor to my incessant need to apologize. A therapist would love picking that apart in a session with me I’m sure.
I try to stop myself from apologizing too excessively, but I’ve also come to accept that I say “sorry, sorry” as kind of an automatic response when I’ve done something I feel is wrong in some way. For example, when I bump into someone in a store, when I feel I’ve gotten in someone’s way, or when I have to push past someone. “Sorry, sorry” has become my signature phrase. My “one size fits all” apology. No idea why I say the word twice, either. Maybe I heard it in a movie or tv show once? Or maybe I just feel doubly sorry these days? Who knows.
I’ve tried so many times to break myself of the habit of apologizing incessantly, but so far I haven’t succeeded. Maybe one day, but in the meantime all I can say is “Sorry, self”.
Thoughts From An Exhausted Woman 